Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
