I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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