is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
