How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ugly people sure do ruin things
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
