erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
