i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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