I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
