i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
