Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
