How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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