Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
