to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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