I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You brought string cheese to the strip club
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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