you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize