Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
