Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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