Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
