Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
