i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
