so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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