So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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