apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
