Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
