Already got asked if we're dating
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
