I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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