how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
