I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
