Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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