I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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