this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
