Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
