i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
