he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
