go do what you do best...puke behind churches
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
