all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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