thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
