dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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