she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
