my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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