i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the liver wants what the liver wants
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize