Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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