hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
