Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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