Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i love accidental penises.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
