he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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