I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
