Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
