it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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