i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
