last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
