Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
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I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
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WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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