im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
