The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
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He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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