Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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