I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
