there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
