if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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