Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
