I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
