OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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