Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
