After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
