You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I could teleport
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
