I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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