I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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