I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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