she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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