I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
