Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize