Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
