Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
