I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
