the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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